Today marks the fourth year.

Four years ago I hit publish and everything changed. December 21 was no special day any year prior, but in 2014 it meant something. That was the day that I made the choice to take a little idea and run with it like I was Usian Bolt. That idea was to launch this blog, Follow My Gut. Prior to it all, I had spent months coming up with the name, worked with my friend Daren to design the logo, and then visited a few restaurants to get content ready before the site went live. When the big day arrived, it was exhilarating to see it all ready and available on the interweb! While it was hard work, it was the first thing I could say I created and actually call my own.

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In the years that have passed since then, I’ve learned more than I ever could have expected. In some cases more than I would have wanted. While I accidentally skipped writing about year one, year two taught me to be cautious of the friends in the industry. Year three showed me that I could come close to losing everything and still bounce back. But in year four, I learned that it’s ok to simply stop.

To stop, to say no, to apologize, and to ultimately say I can’t do it all.

This was the year when I realized that the personal roadblocks that you never expect to arise while following a dream, will supersede anything else you hope to accomplish. You may lose your job, someone you care about may get sick, or worse. It’s in those instances, something like “nurturing your dream” is the last thing on your mind. What made it harder for me in this year was I recognized that the social media world places a significant degree of pressure to appear as if you live a perfect life. That the only concern a food blogger may have is deciding between a ribeye or a filet mignon – go with the ribeye. But at a point, real life sets in and things don’t go so well outside of your blog.

In year four, continuing to grow this website wasn’t a priority considering all I had happening personally. Look over my Instagram and you know that there have been a few scenarios a tad more important than talking about my favorite burger or telling you where to get lunch in La Canada. If I couldn’t take care of me, there was no way I could take care of this site and offer anything of value to you and the readers. But that’s the thing—life is, and always will be, more important. I couldn’t continue with a façade that everything was great when it wasn’t. I couldn’t keep going to restaurants, as much as I loved it, knowing that I wasn’t in the mood to socialize or eat. Instead, I decided that it was ok to say no and just stop. That although I agreed to go to the event that I could say I could no longer attend. That I could still be a successful blogger and still be a part of this industry, even if I didn’t go like everyone else. Sure I learned this a bit in year three, but this was the year when I actually stopped to better myself.

Within the last 364 days I said no more than ever.

I declined events saying “sorry I can no longer attend”, or I just disappeared. I needed to do that in order to get better. In the last year, I stopped going out as much so I could get a handle on my depression and suicidal ideation. I spent more time speaking my mantras, opening up to friends, going to therapy, and actively going to kickboxing. Doing that meant I had less time to blog, but it gave me more time to get back to a stronger version of myself and ultimately helped me refocus my blogging strategy and content.

Within the last year I said no a lot and it was the best decision I ever could have made. Taking the time away has given me the ability to figure out how to improve on myself, assess my current situation, and get into a better place and I’m incredibly happy that I did. Sure there was less traffic to my blog, I didn’t gain followers across social media, and I wasn’t able to do what I loved. But in the fourth year, I learned that even though you’re going after a dream it’s ok to stop. The beautiful thing you started will always be there and the people who love what you produce will continue to support you. I needed to take a break and if you do too, please do it. Let yourself breathe and restart when you can. And if you have to take multiple breaks, do it. You don’t have to be what others portray themselves to be and you don’t have to make everything appear perfect. That’s what I learned to do this year. I said no and I’m glad I learned this lesson now because I’m pretty sure year five will come with many opportunities and I’ll need to know which ones to agree to and which to decline for the best interest of myself and this site.