I wasn’t someone who could easily go anywhere alone.
As a kid, I’d break into a sweat if my mom left me at the grocery store checkout for too long. As a young adult, the thought of going somewhere without at least one friend made my heart race. For years, I convinced myself that I was simply someone who loved being around other people. And while that was true, it just wasn’t the whole truth.
The real problem was that I didn’t know how to be alone.
That realization hit me one day when I canceled going to an event because a friend could no longer make it. I wasn’t skipping it because I no longer wanted to go, I was skipping it because I was too nervous to go by myself. That was a difficult thing to admit and harder to come to terms with because it meant I had been letting fear make decisions for me. It was in that moment I thought that I could keep living that way or I could do something about it. After thinking it over a bit, I decided it needed to change.
If you’ve ever talked yourself out of trying something simply because no one else could go with you, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve wanted to visit a new restaurant, attend an event, or even take a trip, but the idea of doing it by yourself felt overwhelming.
I know that feeling.
The good news is that confidence isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you build. And the best part? It doesn’t cost a thing. It starts by choosing to do one small thing that scares you just a little and slowly over time, those small moments become something much bigger.
Here are the four things that helped me find the confidence to explore on my own.
Research It
Whenever I can, I research the activity, event, or place beforehand. Knowing where I’m going, how to get there, what the atmosphere is like, who’s going to be there, and what to expect removes some of the uncertainty. That little bit of preparation helps calm my nerves, relax my shoulders, and makes walking through the door feel much easier.
Start Small
You don’t have to book a flight across the world to prove you can do things alone. Start with a trip to your favorite coffee shop, go see a movie, visit a museum, or spend an hour wandering a neighborhood you’ve always wanted to explore.
That’s exactly what I did.
Long before I booked my solo trip to Stockholm, I practiced with the small things. I ate at restaurants alone, explored museums, and took walks by myself. Many times, in the beginning, it felt awkward, but I learned from that awkwardness. Sometimes I brought a book because I wasn’t sure what to do with myself or I’d text a friend if I felt uncomfortable. And that was okay because I was growing at my own pace with this. But to my surprise I eventually stopped needing those things because being alone no longer felt unusual. Do I bring a book if I want to? Sure. Can I call a friend or listen to music if I like? Absolutely. But now they’re things I can do if I want to not because I need to.
No one expects you to jump into the deep end the first time you learn to swim. It’s okay to start in the shallow water.
Talk to Someone Who Seems Kind
I’ll never forget my first dinner alone.
I looked at my waitress and said, “Oh my gosh, I’m so nervous to be here by myself.” Instead of thinking it was strange, she smiled and told me she thought I was brave. Then she said something I’ll never forget: if the loneliness became too much, I could always talk to her when she comes by. That small moment changed my entire evening.
It also reminded me that many people feel this way, they just don’t always say it out loud. That in itself, made me feel better. Sometimes simply admitting you’re nervous to someone who responds with kindness makes the fear feel a little smaller. And that can go a long way.
Remember Your Why
Even now, there are times when I still get nervous.
I’ve done the research, made a plan, packed a book, have a playlist queued up, and somehow I’m still sitting in my car wondering hyping myself up to do the thing I said I would do. When that happens, I remind myself why I wanted to go in the first place.
- Why am I seeing this movie alone?
Because I want to become comfortable enjoying my own company. - Why am I attending this event by myself?
Because it’s an opportunity to grow my blog and build relationships. - Why am I taking this trip without waiting for someone else?
Because I don’t want to spend my life waiting for the perfect circumstances or the perfect travel companion.
Your “why” is often stronger than your fear, you just have to remember it. I still have moments when I sit in the parking lot giving myself a pep talk before walking into an event. I still wish a friend could join me on certain trips. I still get butterflies before doing something new. The difference is that I don’t let those feelings make the decision anymore.
I do the research. I start small. I ask for help when I need it. I remember why I wanted to go.
Then I take a deep breath and walk through the door. Because I’ve learned that confidence doesn’t come before you do something scary. It comes afterward. Every time you choose curiosity over comfort, you prove to yourself that you’re capable of more than you thought. And one day, you’ll look back and realize the places that once felt big, intimidating, or downright scary have become the places where you feel most like yourself.
Sometimes all it takes is the courage to begin, and if I can do it time and time again, you can do it too. And you’ll be proud of yourself when you do.
Location in Images: Giant Rock in Landers, CA (about 50 miles north of Palm Springs, CA).
