In a previous post, How to Find the Confidence to Go Somewhere New Alone, I shared how I was once a person who couldn’t go anywhere without someone with me. Local restaurant? I needed someone. Concert? I needed someone. Trip that required a passport? Oh my gosh, I needed someone. For a long time, I thought that’s just how I was. I told myself I was someone who enjoyed sharing experiences with other people, and while that’s still true, I eventually realized there was something else happening.
I was waiting.
I was waiting for someone’s schedule to line up with mine. Waiting for someone to want to go where I wanted to go. Waiting for someone to feel comfortable doing the things I wanted to do. And in the process, I was waiting to live my own life.
When I passed on a concert I really wanted to attend and skipped a trip I was excited about because I was afraid to do them alone, I finally recognized what I was doing to myself. I could continue planning my life around everyone else’s availability, or I could start making decisions based on what I wanted.
That realization wasn’t immediately followed by confidence. There was a ton of anxiety, self doubt, and wanting to quit. But on the other side of that there was a lot of hyping myself up, convincing myself that I’d be okay, and reminding myself that I could always leave if I wasn’t having a good time.
But eventually, I went.
My first solo concert was The Script. Then came traveling alone, including a trip across the globe to Stockholm, Sweden. Was I scared? Of course. Was it worth it? Again, of course.
And that’s the funny thing about doing things alone. You don’t necessarily become fearless. You become better at moving forward through the fear.
Every experience like The Script concert or traveling to Stockholm taught me something new about myself. I learned I could make friends in new places. I could figure out directions when I got lost. I could make decisions without needing someone else to validate them. Most importantly, I learned I could trust myself.
If you’re struggling with doing things alone, I don’t think you have to start by booking a solo trip across the world. You can always start smaller. Go to a coffee shop and sit there by yourself. See a movie you want with no one by your side. Have a solo lunch date at a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. Take yourself somewhere you’ve never been.
And if the idea makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay. You don’t have to convince yourself that you’re suddenly someone who loves being alone. You only have to be a person who is willing to try. And when you’re there you can read a book, take photos of your food, listen to music with your headphones, and even give yourself permission to leave if you aren’t enjoying yourself. Whatever you need, simply make the experience yours and then do it again and again.
Confidence doesn’t usually arrive before we take the first step. More often, it shows up afterward, when we realize we survived the thing we were afraid to do.
Doing things alone has shown me a new side of myself. It opened a layer of self-assuredness I didn’t know I had. It taught me that I can navigate unfamiliar places, meet new people, make decisions, change plans, and figure things out when they don’t go perfectly. It wasn’t easy and even now I can still get nervous. But many times, that’s the way of growth.
And if you give it a try, somewhere along the way, you’ll stop asking, “Who will go with me?” and ask yourself, “Where do I want to go?” And that moment will be everything.
I don’t want to spend my life waiting for someone else’s calendar to give me permission to experience it and neither should you. So if there’s somewhere you’ve been wanting to go, something you’ve been wanting to see, or an experience you’ve been putting off because you don’t have someone to do it with, maybe this is your reminder: go anyway. You might discover the place you’ve been looking for, but even better, you might discover yourself along the way.
Location in images: Joshua Tree National Park in California
